Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Tree Done

It's taken me longer to get back to this blog because it was a rough weekend followed by a really rough Monday. One was suspended Friday, another hid the fact he had an F in math so he wouldn't lose privileges and then he was indignant when he did. So not the greatest start to the weekend. Also, so few people comment that I've really thought about ending the blog. But I'm going to wait and see.

Ready for church.
Decorating the tree after church. Jessica is pretty much in charge of all things associated with the tree.
The younger girls worked with her.
Hot chocolate and cookie break.

The last step is adding candy canes.
Rick bought about five different kinds for the tree!

Finally done--except for the topper.

I probably should end this post here on this happy note, but unfortunately, that's real life. We have a problem here I have no explanation for. Maybe one of you will. After the twins get attention and take part in fun events, they turn into monsters. If you remember, Jessica and I went to eat lunch at school with the twins. After we left, things went straight downhill. They were defiant to teachers and bullied other kids. I don't know if they just felt empowered because we'd been there or what.

A few weekends ago, Kayla went on a girl's day to the mall. We ate there and then went to team kid at church. When we got home, she was argumentative with Rick, wouldn't go to bed and bullied others at school the next day.

After we decorated the tree, Jessica went to work and Jasmine and I headed to team kid. Kayla didn't go because I haven't taken her since the last incident with team kid. I reminded her that she'd had a fun weekend and if she wanted another fun weekend the next week, she needed to make good choices. As soon as I'd left, she started in with Rick. She argued with everything he said, got bossy, refused to go to time out and started screaming all sorts of stuff. Monday at school she hurt a child. Yesterday was worse. She was totally out of control screaming and crying as loudly as she could when I sent her to her room. She only stopped because I took in a bucket of cold water and told her if she couldn't get control by herself, I'd help her. She knew I wasn't kidding. I'm not listening to screaming and crying for however long she can keep it up.

Jessica also gave Kayla a lot of attention during the tree decorating only to have her totally disobey her at the bus stop Monday. (Jessica walks them down). Then she got on the bus and badmouthed Jessica loudly the whole way to the school to the point the driver was very upset.

Consequently, since Jessica is in charge of the after school half- hour Wii time for those with good behavior, Kayla will be excluded from that to help her understand you can't be mean and nasty to someone, tear them about verbally and then expect them to want to share a special time with you.

Praise also seems to sabotage them rather than encourage them to continue the same positive behaviors.

Anyone have any ideas? It's discouraging to have a fun weekend only to have a child turn into a monster as a result. They've been home 22 months now.

Also had another one test me on the "You will be home by 5:20 no exceptions" only to have him waltz in at 6:37 the very same day. But that is dealt with. Said child will be coming straight home on the 3:00 bus from now on. He is indignant but he knew he was on his last chance with the constant late arrivals home.

So, we are having some good times, and some times of testing. We will come out okay and everyone will survive but I wish I understood why really ugly behavior follows anytime we do something special.

One last note, yesterday was Jeff's 11th adoption day. He's actually been with us almost 14 years because there was a delay in finalizing his adoption because we had to wait until we'd moved back to the states.

Dec 5, 2000
Sept 2011
Nov 2011


Suzanne said...

I love your blog, only most times I cannot post a comment. :(

Control issues are not fun. Working on a few here.

Felicia said...

Hey, I read daily but am a poor commenter. I don't get many comments on mine but keep it up because I need it and every now and then I get folks who email me needing somewhere to vent.

About the issues, Joselin was the same way. I can't tell you how many vacations she pouted through. If I catch it on the book I am reading I will let you know.

One Crowded House said...

I have at least two and possibly three children who have that same self sabotage/ testing after good things happen. I think they are trying to test if you will still love them if they do the crappy things. One of mine has been home almost 3.5 years and still does it.

jahkamakura said...

I love to read your blog and sorry for never commenting. You always seem to have so much fun, even through the trying times! I live in Japan so maybe I win the furthest reader!

Kathy C. said...

Thank you for your comments. I know I'm not alone in it.

Have only been to Japan once-1992 while we were stationed in Okinawa. Went to Disney in Tokyo.

Sarah said...

I have to say that I read your blog daily, and look forward to it! I have read for as long as I can remember, years probably. As a SPED teacher that deals with children's behaviors, I have to say Kayla's behavior is puzzling that she doesn't respond to positive praise/positive reinforcemnet. Especailly since I'm sure you give her the same level of positive praise/reinforcement that you give Jasmine and Kaleb. The only advice I have is keep and stay constant with your punishments and she will eventually reach a breaking point!


Kathy C. said...

It's almost like she realizes she having fun and cooperating and has to prove she isn't!