Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Mean Mommy

But I gotta do what I said I'd do.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have all "normal" children. Not children with aspergers, ADHD, language processing disorder, RAD, conduct disorder, learning disabilities, genetic syndromes or stuck in an orphanage for three needless years.

I will never know the answer to that and if my kids were perfect, then they wouldn't be my kids. That being said, I do deal with issues every single day. I have more patience with the things caused by situations out of a child's control. I don't get upset at a child when he loses his cool because coping with stressful situations is very hard for him. But neither do I allow him to take it out on me. I get frustrated with the one who has serious comprehension problems with math but I don't get angry at her because she had nothing to do with the drug use that most likely caused it.

But I do hold kids accountable for what they can control. And we have really worked with way too much stealing and lying at times. Some of you know that I was at the point of sending one to a boy's home but then decided not to because I just didn't want to lose another child. (I have one in a home for troubled youth already) I decided to give him another chance, grant him some trust and privileges and see where it went.

One of the rules is that if I get a call from the school or he is given a detention, ISS or OSS he is grounded to the house for the next three days. Longer if it is really serious. Also if he steals or lies (and we catch it) he is grounded for the next three days. If we find evidence that he has stolen then the three days start when we find out. Since he knows that this is the rule, I may feel bad for the choices he makes but I will not give in. It does not matter what he will miss. By choosing to steal he willingly takes the risk of missing something.

Today, while searching for evidence of many missing pudding cups, I came across a stash of candy that had been taken from Jasmine's math reward candy and also another person's treat. To me stealing is stealing whether it's money, candy or whatever. So the grounded starts tomorrow and goes for three days. Unfortunately that means the child will miss not only his Saturday soccer game but also his team pictures which we had planned to get extra of to send Grandma. Grandma will understand. She supports me holding the child responsible. The coach is actually pretty good about it too. The child missed a couple of practices and a scrimmage recently due to a detention and a call from the school that he had lead several boys in being very rude to a sub.

So today I am the mean mommy today but I gotta do what I said I'd do. And hopefully this will be enough for him to think the next time. He's played three games in a row and has been the star on a few plays so hopefully that positive attention will mean more to him than the poor choices in the long run.

8 comments:

God's Grace said...

stick to your guns, you're a good momma...

Are These Kids All Yours? said...

That is not a mean mama....but a caring one! Those who do not care do not discipline in love!

One Crowded House said...

good for you for being consistent!

Karen said...

It's hard to do the right thing at times. God bless for being consistent.

Christine said...

Good for you. Sometimes my kids miss kids church for the same reason. It does make them think.

Julie said...

Caring about our child's heart is much more difficult than being their friend. I just wish it wasn't so hard and that we didn't feel like the mean mommy :-)!

kayder1996 said...

Once when I was in high school, I got in trouble for something and was told I was grounded. I quickly told my parents they couldn't ground me because I had to play in a basketball game and then in the pep band for the boys' game following my game. How sad I was to learn that my parents would let me keep my obligations but once the pep band was done playing, I would have to come over and sit with my parents during the boys' game. It was awful, a punishment that a teenager never forgot. Sitting in the "old people section" at a ballgame, watching all of your friends hang out somewhere else, and then having to explain that you can't sit with them is pure torture.

BIG DOG said...

You did the right thing. Keep up the good work!!