Who are You?

I get a lot of visitors, but only a few comments. When I look at the visitor map and see certain locations, I can guess who has visited my blog. But not all of them. So if  you're reading this, please leave a comment as to who you are (adoptive parent, parent of how many kids? student etc) and where you are. It'll be interesting to see where everyone is at.

Yesterday 80+ people stopped by the blog, 6 left comments. Hmmm. 

My Drummer

 As you remember from these past photos, Jasmine is a drummer. She plays bass and snare drums. But that's not all she plays. She also plays xylophone, bells (looks like a big silver xylophone), chimes, sleigh bells and vibraphone.

She's the middle bass drum. It's pretty big for her!

This is Jasmine waiting for the MPA (Music Performanace Assessment) yesterday. The judges were really hard on the bands this year. They got a 3 on their practiced pieces (1 is best, 6 is worst) and a 2 on sight reading.

 This is the first MPA song. Jasmine is playing xylophone, but you can't see her behind the tubas. There's another song where you can see her on vibraphone, but I can't get it to load!!!

This is Jasmine demonstrating some drum technique.

Jasmine on orchestra bells.

In other news, Erik Estrada was at our church tonight. Unfortunately my camera was not. It's still in Jessica's purse from a wedding expo this afternoon. Erg. I don't generally carry a phone and what I have is a tracphone anyway, so no help there.

Rick and I are headed to Orlando in the morning. We'll be back Friday.

Planning New York

So, Jessica and I need to get busy planning our New York trip. We are going the week of May 11, and it has to be a budget trip for sure!!

We want to stay near Central Park, Broadway etc. because I think that's where most of the stuff we want to see is at. It is way less expensive to stay in either Edgewater, NJ or Jersey City, NJ (that is the lesser of those two) but our concern is how we would get to Central Park etc from those places? Are there buses from that area or anything? Also, would it be better to fly into the Newark airport or JFK?

 

Are there things we should for sure see and things to for sure avoid?

 

She wants to go to Wicked and is there one place that is better than the others to get tickets? I don't want to wait until we get there because the matinees are almost sold out for that week.

 

I need to make smart choices because most of this is not refundable.

So if you are really familiar with NYC, please leave me some suggestions in the comment box.

Sabotage

You've all been there, right? You think your children are responding to consistent rules and discipline, you ease up a bit on them to allow them more privileges and kaboom. It starts spiraling downhill. Yep. At least half of you know exactly what I'm talking about.

So we've been using a day by day system where each child starts new each day on neutral. Depending on school behavior charts, attitudes and doing their homework and chores, they either stay on neutral or move down to restricted or up to extra privileges. At first it was going well. But then they realized they would start over each morning, so they begin acting out horribly each evening. So now we start the day wherever they end the night before.

Both have changed the color on their behavior charts at school so the teachers mark the color. Suddenly the planners are disappearing when they get home. One is telling us she can't do her homework at home because she forgot her pack at school, and then telling her teacher she can't turn it in because she left it at home.

I went in for a conference last week. It was not pretty. Kayla did not take advantage of the new start at a new school and has alienated all of her classmates by bullying, intimidation and manipulation. The teacher is a first year teacher, but she sees the manipulation. I was so relieved. The teacher was trying so hard to say everything in a positive way but was struggling to do so, and I said, "Just say it like it is. We see it at home. We love her, but we are realistic about the behaviors." So then the teacher shared a lot that has gone on. Like us, she wants to keep letting the child have a new start, but it doesn't work. You can't really do that with her  because she plays the system.

She seems to sabotage when you compliment her too. We've had big issues with her mutilating her hair, mostly after I put new beads in and tell her how nice she looks. She'll shave or cut part of it off. Last time the whole back was shaved, but the front was still long. So I braided it in box braids. She pulled them apart. I left it for awhile and then last weekend  I corn rowed across the front and it looked really nice. I wish I'd take a picture, because she cut patches out. So now she has no hair again. Her eyebrows have finally grown back from where she shaved them off. She knows she can have her  hair long or short, beads or no beads, so it's not about style. I think it's about me doing something for her and her needing to destroy it. Any thoughts on that?

Kaleb was doing really well to earn baseball. Once I signed him up, it start spiraling downward. More not doing his jobs at home than school behavior. For a while he has extra privileges and was getting to watch a movie after homework was done. But suddenly he's forgotten how to clean the yard. That's his one job for the day. Poop scoop from the dogs and pick up any trash that's in the yard.

Jasmine is doing well, but she has junk in her genetics (don't we all!) so she is monitored in counseling. School is very stressful for her. But she needs to be there. Band competition is coming up Saturday. She loves drums, but she is not playing them for this. All the percussion kids have to play all of the instruments, not just drums. So she plays bells, chimes, orchestra bells, xylophone, cymbals and so on. She is playing vibraphone for competition. I hope to be able to get a good video of it.

So that's my update for now. A lot of sabotage going on. And really, we as parents probably do the same thing but in our own adult way. We see something that looks good but are so convinced it won't or can't happen that we sabotage ourselves too.

No new photos since the last post. Hopefully there will be some from Saturday.

This and That

Wish I had something really exciting to share, but not this time. Weather wise, we've gone between 40F and 76F in the past two weeks, so that's been crazy. We are in the panhandle, so we are more like Alabama than Florida really.

Adam stopped by to bring Jasmine a late birthday present. These two are pretty close. Adam shares an apartment with a friend nearby.

Jessica and I are working on a fiction project that deals with underwater crime scene investigation, which of course she is in at FSU. I'm afraid neither of us make good murderers. We were trying to figure out knife angles etc. this day. We basically only have Wednesday mornings to work with her college and work schedule.

On Fridays we usually have fun food because we are so ready to be done with the school week!!! Pressure is on with FCAT coming up. Last night we had confetti pancakes and home made strawberry shakes. We also only have the three youngest here on Fridays normally.

Adam stopped by for his uniforms for his Marine reserve weekend just in time to grab a shake and go.

Jasmine decided to celebrate Travis' birthday on Feb. 28. That's within a week of the correct birthday.  He's Maltese/daschund so he's pretty much full grown now that he's one. I'm glad he's small because he's really hyper. That would be a problem if he was any bigger.

This was Travis' official adoption photolisting picture.

Jasmine will be playing the vibraphone in competition next weekend. The school doesn't have one, so Jasmine has been practicing on the one at our church. The school is going to borrow one for the competition. You can see the pedal if you look closely. Rick took this picture on his iPad.

What's ahead?
Jasmine has middle school band competition next Saturday. It's pretty intense, but they are a good band even though it's a small charter school.

Rick and I are headed to Orlando for three days by ourselves in a little over a week. I hope it warms up because we are going to Discovery Cove, and it's not going to be much fun if it's cold out.

Rick and Tyler are headed to Louisville Comic Con the end of March. They just have to work out some details.

Jessica and I have Extraordinary Christian Women's convention in Pensacola the first Friday night and Saturday of April. We'll get our Karen Kingsbury fix.

FCAT starts April 14. Not looking forward to that. 

The middle school band goes to play at something at Wild Adventures near the end of April.

Then in May things get really crazy of course. I'm sure they do for the rest of you too.

Jessica has decided not to lead a mission team to Malawi this summer. I'm kind of disappointed, but I know her life is changing. It's no longer a priority. She will be going to ICRS with Jasmine and I though. The twins will be at camp that week.

Jasmine and I went to the Lego movie today. I fell asleep three times (but not for long). :(

Jasmine is waiting to watch Rizzoli and Isles, so I need to end this blog post. She watched one last night and wasn't sure about it so wants to try another one. 

Dealing with Junk Thoughts

I haven't been on here as much lately because it's kind of a boring time of year. And because I've been dealing with junk. Junk like wondering why I made some of the choices I made earlier in life. Junk like wishing I was at a different place at this point in my life. Junk like wondering why I chose the hard road instead of the easy road. Junk like wishing I could have some do-overs on the way I dealt with problem children and problems in general. Maybe it's the age, hmmm? Anyone else going through this. Stuck in "if only" or "why did I" land?

I mean, it's not that I don't love living just above the poverty line. (Sarcasm) Really, it's comparative. We have so much more than others, for instance our Haitian twins, whose dad was trying to raise them alone jobless and with only a banana leaf shelter. We look really good compared to that. But then I look at some of the people here who have nice houses on the water. Yeah, I think I need to keep looking the Haiti direction and be thankful for what I have.

My family is, of course, the biggest blessing. And sometimes the biggest challenge :) These were taken right before Jeff went to Afghanistan in October 2012.

I just would like to be at a different place at this point in my life.

Can you see how my brain is working now? A battle between being thankful for the life I have and the past I have had, and the wishing  I'd made some different choices way back. I have taken a very long road to writing filled with detours. When I went to college, the only writing available was journalism and I don't really like news. So I didn't go into it. I went with elementary education. Even have my masters. Didn't teach much because of all the moving with the military, and I am certified in no state now. With all the testing and politics, I really don't want to teach. It's just not fun anymore. There's a new breed of teacher and it's not the nurturers who go into teaching anymore. I wouldn't mind using the degree in some way though.

But on the up side, I loved being a military wife and traveling. Loved living in Okinawa (only 9 mos) and England. Seeing new places, meeting new people. I loved being a foster parent. But both of those things are over. Rick retired from service in 2001 when they were shoving everyone out the door at 20 years. Foster care did not happen for us in Florida. 

Adoption is a hard road. And we have adopted five children over the years. That's another "if only." If only more had been known about attachment back when we did our first two adoptions. If only we'd had a clue how to handle things. If only we hadn't been lied to. We've learned a lot along the way. But at a cost to the whole family.

I also have had some health issues since I was 16 that I won't mention on here but that have required me to plan very carefully and to miss out on a lot of things.

I used to run, swim and bike. I wish I'd kept with that even though it wouldn't have been convenient in some of the places we lived.

This post sounds rather depressing, right? Well, now you know why I haven't posted much lately. I keep reminding myself that there are people who would gladly trade places with instead of thinking about the people I'd rather trade places with. Bonus? Rick has really been there for me through this and we are closer than we've been in a long time. Love it.

I'm open to your thoughts on all this. Especially if you've been through this. How did you get past it? How did you let go of the junk and push forward?

Next post I'll update some things coming up for the kids and my book that is in process right now. Also the one Jessica and I are writing together. Excited about it, and it gives me something to focus on.

Alright, someone give me some good advice...please?

The Twins

The twins have been home from Haiti for four years now. Hard to believe that much time has passed. Overall, they are doing well considering what they came from. Those first four and a half years of their lives that we didn't have them were important years for growth, mental and physical development, conscience development, social interactions and so on. We can never get those years back, and we will never know what all went on in those years. 

They spent their first 14 months with both parents, then the mother died. The dad tried to raise them alone but ended up bringing them to the orphanage at about 20 months old. We requested them the first week they went on the list. It took us until they were over 4 1/2 years old to get them home.

In some ways the twins are a lot alike. They both like to read, both like learning new things, both are talkative and outgoing. They are also different. Kayla is pretty much on target for her age socially and developmentally. Kaleb is not. His social interactions are very young. I think there is an undiagnosed problem, but since he is learning academically, no one is looking for a problem. But my mommy instincts tell me we are missing something. 

I'm not going to go into problem areas here other than to say that  both have times when they bully, interact inappropriately with others, are defiant and lie. At this point we feel they understand these things, so they are intentionally making the choice to do these things. That means less privileges at times because they can't be trusted to take part in activities where we are not there to supervise. I know that you adoptive parents understand that well. (I realize biological children have issues too, but we have the advantage of having them from birth onward).

At this point, I'm not thinking they have serious attachment issues. We did everything  by the book when the first year they were home. When we didn't feel it, we faked it well :) 

They have come a long way, and I'm not anticipating any serious long term issues. Of course, you never know. But we went through a lot worse with two children not that long ago. 

Both of the twins like team sports. Kayla is much more athletic than Kaleb overall. He is a faster runner, but she is the more competitive, capable player. We also have to be careful that he is not hit in the head anywhere near his right eye because it's not very stable.

Neither twin has played baseball on a team. With the nicer weather recently, we've been going outside to play catch. Kaleb may play on the team. We have to decide soon. Kayla has had some issues at school recently that make us think she may sit this out. We have to decide by the 28th.

Both like to play outside, but we do not have much play time on school nights. And they still have to be closely supervised during play.

We went to a nearby baseball field to practice batting and running bases. It was pretty fun.

I'm looking forward to seeing how the twins grow and develop over the next few years as their talents emerge and they push beyond some of the behaviors that are holding them back. I think they both are quite capable in many areas. This year is a challenge because FCAT testing starts in third grade. Kayla is showing a lot of gaps in math, and her teacher is working with her on that. Both are signed up for their last year of Peanuts at Teen Missions, but if they fail the FCAT, they will have to go to summer school instead. Unfortunately, we won't know until almost time to go!

I am hopeful concerning the twins. I think they will do well in the long run. They are very mild compared to some of the problems the post earthquake kids are having. Plus we have started a day-by-day privilege system that seems to be working--at least for now.

Plans for summer for the twins include Peanut Camp, and possibly a trip to Wild Adventures. We used to live near it, but are about four hours from it now. It has both rides and a water park. It's smaller than the Orlando parks, and much less expensive.