Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Raising Adopted Kids is Tough

I haven't blogged lately because I've been super busy.

I also know that most of you would rather hear the good stuff--how we celebrated Valentine's Day and Jasmine's birthday for instance. It's nicer than hearing how Kayla stole everyone's treats because she gobbled hers down so fast and everyone else only had a little and then saved the rest.

You'd rather hear that Kaleb is doing great in band rather than that he sold $50 of candy bars, lied about turning the money in and then spent it going to Burger King two blocks from his school and to Winn Dixie next door buying megagobs of treats.

You'd rather hear that Kayla, who seemed to be doing better and was on the soccer team, had to drop out due to 58 violations of the contract between herself, me and the counselor in the first two weeks including stealing, lying, refusing to do jobs, and having a horrible attitude at home. She told us and the counselor that she's great at school and church, she saves the ugly behaviors for us.

Not to mention both twins stealing from my wallet and my car.

So it feels like we've gone not a step, but several miles backward. I have looked forward to middle school track for the twins, especially Kaleb, for many years, but they won't be trying out this year. We found the cool shoes for Kayla at thrift with the verse in them, but they'll remain in her closet until next year, by which time she will have probably outgrown them.

So for now we are on a very set schedule that includes no extras. No sports, no outside activities.

The counselor has to give a recommendation for our adoption, and she is not recommending it. I hope they forget to call her, but they won't, and over a year of planning and hoping will come crashing down. Every adoptive family I know has adopted even though one or two of their children have negative behaviors. That's the reality of it. We are the survivors and we adopt because we know how hard it is, and we know we can persevere. It's not for the faint of heart.

So that is where we are right now.

But next post I will go back to posting about Valentine's Day and Jasmine's birthday and all the good stuff. But you need to know, raising adopted kids is tough.


Emily said...

In the trenches with you. It is very hard.

Kathy Cassel said...

Thank you

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear of these struggles. It's heartbreaking to know that parents do all they can and kids still resist and make bad choices. I wonder if it's possible they're feeling stressed by the addition of "competition" for your love, time, and parenting. Because negative attention is attractive to many kids. You seem very calm and consistent---I think they'll appreciate that and understand it over time, just not today. Good luck and thank you for sharing.

Kathy Cassel said...

Thank you. Right now I think there is a lot of sadness over the loss of another child. I think it helps that I recently opened a shop at the local flea market so I have something to concentrate on.

Felicia said...

I agree, it is hard to watch them make bad choices over and over and over.

Gina said...

Right there with you too! Older children adoption is tough, but God sees and knows and calls us to this. He is our strength! Persevere! Homeschooling my daughter for the last year has really helped.