Easter 1

The Easter baskets were filled and waiting on Easter morning. Of course we know it's not about baskets, but all the kids get one, even the older ones. They will get one until they move out (unless of course they are still forty and living at home or something!)

This is Kayla's second Easter home. I don't think she really remembers last Eater, but they had an egg hunt at school Friday and have been talking about Easter all week, so she had some expectations about the day. The twins got NIV Adventure Bible New Testaments in their baskets.

Ready for church.

Also ready for church.

Checking out the goodies. There was candy, but there were also pringle packs, pringle stix, pretzel stick with cheese and other things.

Jasmine was happy with her basket and new dress.

Sisters. (Big sister wasn't ready yet!)

Tyler's church had two morning services but no Sunday school so I dropped him off for the later service. The plan was for Rick and crew to swing by and pick him up after their service got out, but they forgot him! Actually, I think that no one really listened to the plan except Tyler, so he was waiting right where he was supposed to be--and waiting, and waiting. Jessica went back for him as soon as I saw he wasn't with them.

Kaleb doesn't go to church yet. He watches the Story of Jesus for Children in Creole on Sunday mornings. We need to work on better attachment and social skills before we venture out. He does random things like pull hair, pinch etc. just out of the blue at school, and I don't want a Sunday school teacher to have to deal with that. Kayla will do those behaviors too but she understands what is expected and consequences better. However, if she treats classmates mean during the weeks, she stays home on Sundays too. Not trying to use missing church as a punishment, but no little child needs to be hurt at church. And there are way too many adults who just hug the twins and tell them, "I love you" that don't even know the twins but see that they are cute and friendly.

And if you've ever had your child act mean to you and then go hug and love on a stranger, you know how that game goes.

Easter egg hunt just for the twins after church.

The kids put all the eggs in one big basket to be shared evenly in order to avoid competition. However, Kaleb presented a new problem--he was content to just stand there and let Kayla look for and gather all the eggs--until we finally said that if he didn't pick some up then she would get them all! Never had that problem before!

We even made a basket for Anthony. He's been attending church both on Sunday and Wednesdays with Jessica lately.

Jessica

All the kids

Bunny Hop and 5K

Yesterday there was a 5K and a 1/2 mile bunny hop. Jeff had signed up for the race but isn't here anymore, so Adam was going to run it. Adam started his new job instead. Since the race and shirt was already paid for, Jessica said she'd do it. But since she hasn't run more than a mile in ages, she planned to walk most of it. She's also having back pain from tumbling.

There was a big turn out.

Despite all, she made it in at 34 minutes. But she was in pain : (

The little three ran the 1/2 mile. It was the first race for the twins. When Adam was their age, he was already running 5Ks! But that's because we had 5 acres of land and a running path around the land. Everyone ran 2 laps four times a week. Some ran more to build up for racing. We left there when Jasmine was three though, so she and the twins don't have the racing experience the older ones did. Jessica hasn't run more than a mile since we moved in '04.

They're off!

Kayla was the first of the three in. For some reason, Jasmine gets really tense about races. This is her second race and the second time she froze up when it was time to run. Jessica ran her in.

They gave out little Easter wind up toys to all the runners instead of awards.

College Visit

Tyler, Jessica and I went to UWF yesterday. Ty has been accepted for fall so we wanted to look things over.

Ironic that out of six students visiting, another one was from our church. The college is three hours away so kind of funny to see someone we knew.

In the library.

Practicing strategies for sleeping in class with this kind of desk.

Free soda for visitors!

Three mile bridge on the way home.

Stopped at another beach we wanted to check out as a possibility for a day trip.

Love the color of the water here.

Finally got some lunch around 2 p.m.

They cook the pizza in a 1000F fire for three minutes.

She couldn't resist.

Dancing in Doggy Heaven

Not the cheery post I promised. We got Cheyenne right after the big hurricane. She was abandoned here, probably by someone who couldn't keep her in their hotel room, but she was exactly what we were looking for to keep Scrappy company. We knew she was an older dog.

I took her to the vet a few months ago because her eyes were clouded over. I asked him how long she might live. I was really surprised when he said we'd be lucky if it were a couple more years. I had no idea. I know she's had trouble with her hips lately but so have I and I'm only 49! (I can no longer jog, have to walk).

Yesterday she just tipped over side ways and rolled down the outside steps. Then she seemed okay, just stiff. Who wouldn't be after that? But a few hours ago she started trembling and whining. And then she just went quietly. I went to check on her a few minutes ago and she was gone.

I wonder if Scrappy will miss her? We brought him in so he could see she was gone. I don't know if he gets it or not.

Tyler and Jessica are at a retirement dinner for a close policeman friend and I don't want to have to tell them. I think they suspect, we all did.

Okay, so I don't really believe in doggy heaven. I know she's just gone, but it's a comforting image.

Never Say...

Never. It's more than a popular preteen song, it's parenting advice.

I would never send a child away.

I would never make a child leave.

I would never believe bad things about my child.

I would never blame my adopted child for his behaviors.

And so on.

Really?

How do you know?

Where is your limit?

I recently had someone post some rude things on facebook first about people who write about depressing things rather than cheerful things, and then about people who give up on the children God gave them.

The better "never" might be, I will never judge another mom since I'm not living her life. But I sometimes catch myself doing that. I see a mom scream at a child in the grocery store and I congratulate myself on being smart enough to shop alone and to not yell at a child in public. But maybe that mom has no one to watch her kids and this child has been acting out all day. Maybe she's just too frazzled to deal with it calmly.

I don't always make the right parenting decisions. In fact, 13 year ago when Jeff came home, I made some bad ones. I tried to use logical consequences--You stole his treat, you use your allowance to replace it. This made no sense to him. Because we weren't dealing with a child who thought about actions and consequences. Little was known about attachment. Or maybe it was but you couldn't just go on Internet and look up the topic and get ideas and support like you can now. Our nearest attachment counselor was 3 1/2 hours away and she wanted to see the whole family every day for an hour the first week. Oh, and it was about $300 a session not covered by insurance. Couldn't do it.

We went through the lies, manipulation, stealing, false reports to teachers about abuse, threats against the other children by his "friends" and so on. I hated getting up in the morning. And I was beginning to hate being a parent. I love that now there are some respite care options for parents, and those are great. But two children were bringing our whole family down and we decided to get one out-of-home care for one. The place we really needed to send him was $3,500 a month out of pocket and we couldn't do that. So we settled for somewhere that would at least keep him, and my other children, safe.

We assumed he'd be home in a year or two but the years passed and they never felt it was to the point where he could make good decisions outside of a very structured environment. I agree, and unfortunately I do not think he's to that point yet. But he graduated high school in December, and we decided to bring him home until he went into the army. We thought it would just be a couple of months, but it turned out to be a five-month delay.

So we had him get a job. The money went to his head. He was buying trash and watching it, refusing to get rid of it even though it violated our values and rules. He refused to buy anything he needed--undershirts, socks, etc but spent $45 on "man spray" and the same on T-shirts. If we tried to give him rules, he'd say he was his own man. If we tried to get him to take responsibility, he'd say he was 18 and didn't have to.

We could not continue living that way. If you have children with attachment issues, then you know what that feels like. And when they are just weeks short of their 18th birthday it gets very, very complicated. I did not feel like I could keep either him or the younger ones safe any longer.

Two of the other children decided to use the chaos from this situation to try and get away with some things of their own. One lost privileges he had just started earning. He needs to prove he is trustworthy to be allowed to just hang out at the mall and around town again. He will be driven and picked up from activities and from the job he starts Saturday.

Although some parents believe in never removing a child from the home, our family is not the best place for Jeff to be. And it is not healthy for the younger ones to watch an almost-adult challenge parents and absolutely refuse to do something. What can you do? If you physically force them, they cry abuse. Take away stuff, he buys more. There is no option when a child absolutely refuses to obey. If they are younger, there are things you can do. Not when they are almost an adult. And I cannot allow his anger to be turned toward the younger ones. When he got angry at a friend at the camp, hit put his fist through a wall and broke his arm. 'nuff said.

Hope to have a happier post soon, but needed to address those who feel they can judge our family without being in this situation. It looks different from the inside. If you don't think so, just go to a high school and pick an angry, rebellious senior and move him into your home and force him to follow your rules. Because an unattached child feels like a stranger, especially when he hasn't lived with us since he was 12.

Beach Run

Yesterday morning was the beach run. The flyer said to meet at the beach house at 6:30 a.m.. My kids were there, but the others had walked the 1/4 mile down to the beach already and started the run down there at 6:30! So my three started way late, but it didn't really matter because it was for fun and they didn't even time the 1.5 mile run.

I was a bit bored waiting, so I took pictures of random things. Like these bird tracks.

And the water coming in.

Jasmine started out wearing shoes, but Adam ended up carrying them for her! What a nice big brother.

The water was beautiful.

The girls took advantage of being barefoot by running through the water. Jasmine even stopped to pick up shells druing the run! (Good thing it wasn't a timed run)

It was very peaceful since the other runners were already gone. They were all adults and with the head start, they finished by time mine were half way. Only the two men in charge were still there.

Jessica helped Jasmine get the sand off so we could drop her off at school. We were only two minutes late! Adam had late start due to testing. The twins didn't run this because they aren't ready for it and it wasn't really for children, but they will be running the 1/2 mile Bunny Hop Saturday morning.